This week I learnt that summer is over. I learnt this when about four thousand gallons of water spewed out of the sky and onto my head. I believe this was a personal attack by the rain gods as, looking at the satellite projections across three days, I could see that there was a band of rain swivelling on an axis which seemed to be just off junction 23 of the M6. Which is where I live now.
Summer started in similarly damp conditions, the weather forecasters reassuring us that this was just because the gulf stream had gone off kilter and it would be back to normal by the end of August.
My summer started with me deciding not to give a toss about the Euros, because I’ve gotten a bit old for it really. It turned out to be the biggest sporting disappointment of the summer. I can’t remember where it was, how far we got in the competition or if I cared when we went out. I expect I saw it as something of an inevitability.
I then became briefly and uncontrollably bored, which, looking back, I’m not sure how I managed. I crocheted a mouse for my cat, which was probably as convincing to him as it would be if I crocheted you a bacon sandwich. I also discovered a pattern for that adorable orange thing off the EDF adverts, which I will eventually get around to making. My projects for the Autumn include building a nativity scene in time for Christmas, finishing my flat and crocheting some Canimals. If you don’t know what Canimals are, my word. You definitely need to find out. A random person retweeted my outburst on Canimals the other day. They are incredible.
Feeding off my boredom, I then came up with some excellent ideas. Remarkably, I have not yet had a phonecall from Theo Paphitis, but I expect it is only a matter of time.
In July, I found myself, as I do, in Paddington station waiting for a train. I do this a lot, because trains from Paddington station are so expensive before half six at night that I will happily wait for four hours just to get a cheaper ticket. I was scribbling away in my Filofax about me being about to head off to the Olympics but not being able to publish anything on social media when I met a writer who I follow on Twitter and is helpful. This taught me that loitering in train stations is an excellent networking opportunity.
I then spent many nights in a tent in Walthamstow, because of some communtiy sports event called the Olympic Games. I had a brilliant time, and eventually I will publish my scrapbook, when I find it. Whilst I was there, however, I had absolutely no idea what was going on at the actual Olympics, because I had no internet, and so, as this is 2012, I may as well have been sealed in a lead-lined container. I whinged a bit.
In mid-August, in a fit of fury, I left Blogger after it deleted a very long and emotional blog about a lifethreatening injury sustained by my dad in May. I’m still not sure about WordPress but the scheduling has been a tremendous help.
I hoped to spend my first blog post on WordPress casually explaining myself, but instead was knocked out of my stride by the appearance of Prince Harry’s bum on the internet. No, I’ve not seen it, and no, I don’t want to.
In September, I talked about my new job as ambassador, and how I feared that I may not be able to deal with the sheer number of Ferrero Rocher parties I will be expected to host. Of course, this will not be a problem. There is no end to the number of Ferrero Rocher parties I could host- the limiting factor would be the number of parties people are willing to go to whose central theme is a stonking great pile of Ferrero Rocher.
I also spent time at the BBC’s Focus magazine, and wrote lots of articles for them. I even managed to work in my second favourite animals, crows. Unfortunately, the conspicuous lack of any evidence for unicorns makes scientific research on the subject hard to come by, so no, didn’t write anything about my favourite animals. I did, however, blog about the joys of commuting and finished off the summer by interviewing myself about what work experience was like.
Summer is over. I might have time for things now. Ha!