For the second time in recent months, I have become an ambassador. You may come and visit me sometime at the embassy, and I will lavish you with Ferrero Rocher. I may even, if you ask nicely, offer you political asylum.
As far as I can work out, the word “ambassador” has come to describe all the jobs that the word “rep” can’t do any more. This is because rep is a dirty word, and these are not necessarily dirty jobs.
My first ambassadorial post was as Liverpool Ambassador. If they had called it Liverpool Rep, it would have conjured up images of day-glo tans and fake lashes, two things the city of Liverpool is keen to distance itself from. Despite being Liverpool Ambassador however, I was not posted in far-flung cities, providing shelter and assistance for scousers far from home. No, instead, my first duty as ambassador was to man a headset in a call centre.
Note I used “man” there. Not “person”. Not “woman”. I used “man”, and I used it because it is a verb. If the others become verbs, I shall insist on using “independently minded unicorn lover and sports fan” as a verb.
In any case, independently minded unicorn lover and sports fanning a hotline is hardly within the typical duties of an ambassador. In fact, it’s a bit of an odd job.
Luckily, I like odd jobs. Which is why, not satisfied with my call centre, tour guide and Ferrero Rocher distribution duties, I took a second job as an ambassador.
From Monday, I will be an ambassador for Windows, providing I haven’t breached some as-yet-unsigned contract in publicising it. Windows the operating system that is, not the transparent things you open when you want to feel the wind in your eyelashes.
Apart that it involves being nice to people, engaged with social media and having a working knowledge of Windows products, I don’t really know what it is.
The same could be said for Samsung “ambassadors” from India who were flown all expenses paid to Berlin and then told that, despite being successful bloggers, they were really here to stick Samsung t-shirts on and plug Samsung gear. One refused, so Samsung told him to pay for his own trip back to India.
I will not fall into the same trap. Firstly, I will accept any trips to Berlin, or even Nokia Lumias (hint hint) that come into my path, because wearing a Windows t-shirt and raving about Windows is my job. I would do it anyway- you know I would. Secondly, I know something important: that Windows are eager to see my creative side. Translated into Sacha-ese, I understand that means I’m free to do whatever it is I want.
Eccelente. Bring me the Rocher.